Forget all this Charm School garbage, next VH1 reality show should be Sharon Osbourne beating some sense into these hookers girls.

My buddy and A&R extraordinaire, Corey (CPR), just launched a hot new site called BeatsAndBombs, that’s quickly generating buzz because of their honest commentary and unique features.  Personally, I’m proud to see an A&R really get active with anything online (besides dating).

This week the BeatsAndBombs crew put together a list of the 9 Crimes White People Have Committed Against Hip-Hop which pretty much speaks for itself and definitely places them as front-runners to be the curators of the Caucasian Rap Hall of Fame, should someone ever decide to build one.

It wouldn’t be right to talk about white people and hip-hop without mention of one of VH1’s (many) efforts to bring hip-hop culture to an all-time low when they introduced the White Rapper Show last year.

The show did deliver 15 minutes of fame to one white rapper, John Brown, who became the butt of many jokes within the hip-hop community due to his creative, but not in a hip-hop sort of way, vocabulary.

Since the show ended, things have been mostly quiet in John Brown’s neck of whatever suburb he claimed and thus far, he has been unable to channel his gimmicky style into a viable career in hip-hop.

Thanks to BeatsAndBombs, we now know what the King of the Burbs is doing to keep busy these days. John Brown is policing blog sites in order to preserve the esteemed value of the John Brown brand and making sure everyone knows he’s just as dangerous with a keyboard, as he is with a mic in his hand. The rapper had a message for “passive aggressive blog-snobs” and made it clear he’s ready to “holler at your father” in an angry response emailed, then published on BeatsAndBombs (link to full letter).

Just because I love e-thuggin’, online beefs and other instances of internet drama, I wanted to have a hypothetical conversation with John Brown about his displeasure with his inclusion on the 9 Crimes list. So here’s how the conversation would have played out, had Da Burb King reached out to Xplosive World:

John Brown: What’s pimpulatin lil homie??

Xplosive World: Hold on. *Googles the word pimpulatin to no avail* Um, what isn’t pimpulatin? Homie?

JB: So you’re another one of these passive aggressive blog-snobs who feels all uncomfortable and tingly inside when you see some revivalists letting their nuts hang, huh?

XW: Yes. I’m very uncomfortable with revivalists letting their nuts hang around me.

JB: Poor guy.

XW: I suppose…

JB: You’re one of those repressed “real hip-hop heads” that play the wall at a show then talk shit on your corny “online community”.

XW: Are we talking about your shows? No. I didn’t watch you on TV. Do you actually do live shows?

JB: Fuckin geek.

XW: Okay. Enough small talk. What’s pimpulatin?

JB: I’m hitting you up because I wanted to thank you for posting our glorious “PIMP MODE” video!

XW: Pimp Mode? Really? Please, go on.

JB: It broke 800,000 views awhile back on worldstarhiphop.com.

XW: Impressive. How was the feedback? Just kidding- I can do the math;

You + Pimp + Mode=

JB: But, to your credit, you caught up and posted it, giving us another 5,000 hits!!

XW: Wow! You should definitely rest assured your Soundscan numbers will mirror the success of the Pimp Mode video.

JB: Oh man, I love the hate!!

XW: That’s a little weird.

JB: So next time you see me, holler at your father.

XW: Who are the people that actually encourage the use of a saying like holler at your father? I think I speak for a majority of the human race when I say; when we read something like that- it triggers some strange reflex with an uncontrollable urge to shake our head accompanied by an “are you fucking serious?” expression on our faces.  I’m not a violent guy, but if I were ever in the presence of someone who, in even mild seriousness, used the expression “holler at your father”, I’d have no choice but to do whatever had to be done to ensure those words were never spoken again.

JB: I won’t smack you, I promise.

XW: Why was I going to holler at my father again? Forget it. We should probably wrap things up- this conversation can’t possibly get worse.

JB: Stay revived!

XW: You are good. Wow, you are good.