I remember the days when I used to get angry at predatory businesses. Those businesses that decided rather than operating an honest establishment and providing a true service to their customers; they would look for any opportunity they could find to rip their customers off under the belief that these consumers were not powerful enough to damage their credibility. Oh, how I love you internet!

Let’s start this saga from the beginning. About a week ago, I purchased a very slick Lexus ES 300 from a dealer in Chapel Hill. Yeah, the game’s been good to me. But not that good. There was a minor problem with the purchase in the fact that the dealer was not in possession of the original keyless entry remotes that should have come with the vehicle. Usually, I would’ve demanded this problem to be rectified prior to the purchase, but the dealer was willing to play ball on the purchase price, so I agreed to eat the cost of replacing the remotes.

I first looked to a Lexus dealership to replace the remote, but their $450 price tag on the new key & programming made eBay a much better option. It cost me about $80 bucks to replace the key (the keyless entry controls are built into the key itself) and the merchant sent programming instructions, that initially scared the shit out of me, but actually worked and it only took me about 5 minutes to program the thing. I was relieved that I had just saved myself a couple hundred bucks and figured the hard part was out of the way. Wrong.

Although, the keyless entry system was now working, I still had to get the key cut. For some reason, Lexus decided to make this process very difficult, by inserting the grooves to their keys inside the metal frame as you can see in the picture above. I called around to Wal-Mart and a couple of other places I knew to handle key duplication, who all told me that they didn’t have the technology to perform that sort of duplication and I would have to find a locksmith.

Finding a locksmith to handle the task was a bit harder than I thought, but I finally talked to a nice old scumbag guy, who recommended Marshall’s Locksmith in Raleigh. I looked them up, found their website and was even able to submit my information online and receive a price quote from them before making the trip out there.

They quickly responded letting me know they could handle the job for $35. Not bad, although still more than I wanted to pay to get a fucking key duplicated.

So I finally make the trip out there today and explained what needed to be done. The inbreed guy behind the counter informed me that they could handle the job…for $125. I gave the guy a cockeyed glare and let him know I was quoted $35 for the job. He was obviously disappointed by the news and began to try to convince me that simply cutting the key may not work because “it may have a transponder chip”, which would require the car to be hooked up to a computer and programmed. Hence the word may in the previous quote, as at this point he was definitely not certain that this would be an issue.

It didn’t make sense to me that the key would need any sort of extra programming, as it was clear that my car was already accepting whatever radio frequency this remote was emitting. I told him I’d take my chances on just having the thing cut.

Clearly disappointed that I wasn’t buying his bullshit, he takes my keys and proceeds with the duplication. This process literally took less than 2 minutes. Not even enough time for me to update my Twitter status about this adventure.

He returns with my newly cut key, rings me up for $35, which he certainly deserved for all that labor he put into this job. Then as he hands me my receipt, he confidently informs me that they will be happy to handle the programming of the transponder when I “decide” to have it done. If this guy had not been about 3 times my size, I would have tried to stab him in the eye with the key right there on the spot. I knew before I got to my car that this key wasn’t going to work and so did he.

And, of course, it didn’t. I’m still not sold on the idea that a transponder has anything to do with this, as the key definitely seemed to fit awkwardly in the ignition and for all I know the guy used some secret locksmith trick to ensure that the thing would come close, but not start the car. Frankly, I don’t care. My problem is that this guy knew from the time I explained the job, what it would entail and I’m confident that he didn’t learn anything new between the time I walked in and after he had processed my payment that would allow him to predict that simply cutting the key would not work.

Rather than spend any more time on this stupid process, I’m cutting my losses and will just shave the non-working key down to function as a keyless entry remote (which is all I wanted to begin with) and continue using the key I’ve got.

As for Marshall’s Locksmith, I’m happy to use my secret search engine optimization tricks to ensure that anytime a customer looks them up, they will not fall prey to their deceptive business practices.

Thanks Marshall’s Locksmith! It was a pleasure being ripped off by doing business with you…

I’m getting ready to make a big move and needed a paper shredder to safely remove the miles of documents that have accumulated in my office over the past few years. I thought it was a blessing when I got an email last week from Chase Bank notifying me that I had spent enough money using their debit card to have accumulated the proper amount of “reward points” needed for the Royal JS800 Paper Shredder. I immediately put in the order and it only took 5 days before the thing arrived.

I became frustrated with the paper shredder immediately. While these things have never worked exceptionally well for me, this thing was easily the worst of the worst. For every 5 minutes of shredding I was able to do, I spent about 10-20 minutes having to clear paper jams from the blades of the thing.

The icing on the cake with this piece of shit came 2 days after I received the product. As I was shredding papers awaiting my next jam, the back of the shredder started smoking and suddenly a ball of fire shot out the back of the thing. Luckily, I wasn’t injured, but it’s pretty easy to imagine that someone could have been.

As if this weren’t bad enough, when I placed a call to Royal’s Product Support Hotline, I was given the address of a Post Office Box in Summerset, New Jersey and instructed to write them a letter about my issue with this product, while being assured once my letter was received- Royal would be glad to replace the product. “Is there a phone number I can call?”, I asked the Product Support Rep. “No sir. No phone number. We have fax number for them. No phone.”, the operator replied. I asked for a supervisor, which this guy apparently didn’t have, so the CEO of the Royal Company who is also their only member of the Product Support Department was absolutely no help to me.

I’m still trying to figure out my next step with this, but I’m not a big fan of electronics blowing up in my face, so for now I’ll just make sure to give the company some really bad PR and hope that anyone considering buying anything from Royal will read this and reconsider.

Check the pictures below to see what a great product Royal has put on the market.

For as long as I can remember, the only time I heard mention of the word Hyundai was when it was being used in the context of a joke- generally representing mediocrity in the auto industry. At some point not so long ago, Hyundai seems to have stopped joking around and started building cars that can compete with other imports.

Last Summer, with gas at $4+ per gallon, I decided to capitalize on the fact that rental car companies were pricing their SUV’s cheaper than a Chevy Aveo. I reserved one for a week while traveling- willing to absorb the increased gas cost for the extra room.  I had second thoughts about the decision when I went to retrieve the rental to find a Hyundai Santa Fe was the only SUV available. As the clerk started trying to talk me into a mini-van, I decided to bite the bullet and took the Hyundai.

Once I was able to get over my prejudice to the Hyundai brand, I realized the Santa Fe was actually a good SUV compared to others I’ve driven. It had a lot of features, drove well and was comfortable. It even looked good. I didn’t realize how good it looked until I walked up to an Acura MDX in a parking lot that I had mistaken for the Santa Fe.

A few weeks later I visited a friend who had recently purchased a new Hyundai Sonata sedan. I could tell he was ready for his Hyundai to become a joke that would never get old to me, so he was surprised when I told him the story about the Hyundai I had rented and my new found respect for them.

Today, the Hyundai Genesis (pictured above) was named Car of the Year at the Detroit Auto Show after being named the Top-Rated Upscale Sedan by Consumer Reports earlier this week. The Genesis is outperforming the Acura TL, Lexus ES350 and other well-known luxury brands across the board.

In these tough economic times, maybe Hyundai is setting up to become the best choice for a baller on a budget. Maybe the U.S. auto-makers should study what they’ve done to reinvent them self and take a few notes. I wonder if it was a snobbish pre-disposition that had me convinced Hyundai’s were garbage or if the company truly made really bad cars, but to repent for the years of ridicule I’ll dedicate a post to Hyundai and be one of the first to say; it’s okay to drive a Hyundai.

I’ve been giving the new T-Mobile G1 phone a test drive for the past week. It’s currently boxed up and will soon be returning to my local T-Mobile retailer. I’ll be switching back to my Blackberry 8800 that luckily didn’t attract a buyer on eBay. It’s unfortunate, as I had high hopes for this phone and researched the device extensively- paired it against competitors and finally decided it was a better device than the iPhone or the new Blackberry Storm. While I still believe the Android operating system is going to prove to be superior to the others, my conclusion is the G1 phone was released prematurely and is not suitable for most users.

The G1 really has the potential to be great. If I only needed a phone for web browsing and personal use, I would probably be raving about this device. The design of the phone is perfect, the 3G speed on T-Mobile’s network is very fast and the applications available impressed me as much, and sometimes more, than anything I’ve seen on an iPhone. Shazam, the music ID application currently being used in iPhone advertising, is also available on the G1 and is actually as cool as it looks on the commercial. There’s a couple of applications used for price comparison when shopping that allow you to scan a bar code with the phone’s camera and find the best price for an item at nearby stores or on the web. This is a great tool in our current economic state and should save consumers a lot of money. There’s even an application called flashlight that simply illuminates the phone with a bright white light, which isn’t really on the cutting edge of technology, but useful nonetheless.

The major flaw with the phone is the battery. It’s amazing that the developers tested this phone out and gave it a green light after experiencing the ridiculously short life of the battery. An average phone user is likely to get a half day at best out of the phone before you need to plug in and more frequent users probably need to stay near a power outlet at all times. You can turn all the battery draining services off like the 3G connection, Bluetooth and the brightness of the display and still won’t get a full day of service from the device (not to mention you’re disabling one of the most important components of the device with the 3G connection). To sum it up; any phone that has a full charge when you go to sleep and has less than 40% of it’s battery life remaining when you wake up should not be on the market.

Additionally, the phone has serious issues with email. I’ve read reviews that suggest the phone handles Gmail better than POP mail, but I found there to be problems with message retrieval across the board. I tried a number of configurations hoping to achieve more frequent message retrieval and notifications, but was unable to make the email client work properly. I had to manually open each mailbox and wait while the device communicated with my server anytime I wanted to find out if I had email. After a few days, I pretty much gave up on using the device for email altogether.

A few other complaints I have about this device is its lack of ability to sync with Outlook, which is something I think most Blackberry users will find frustrating. Also, the lack of ability to open any MS-Office documents or PDF files is a problem, although I expect this to be something an application developer will solve shortly. There also needs to be some sort of tiling system for applications that would allow you to switch between open applications quickly, as the current setup requires you to bounce back and forth to the home screen to launch each app.

I can’t recommend the G1 to anyone right now, but as I told a colleague this morning, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m back at T-Mobile in a month or two purchasing the phone again once it’s been confirmed that the battery and email issues have been acknowledged and corrected. I’ve seen the light now and am excited to get my hands on a 3G device that can become my new portable office, but will continue to exercise patience until I’m sure the right device exists.

Atlanta, Georgia has a rich history in the hip-hop game. It’s been the breeding ground of some of the South’s most notable contributors to the hip-hop industry- as the birthplace to legendary groups such as Outkast and Goodie Mob or chart-topping solo acts like Ludacris and Young Jeezy. The Atlanta area has always embraced a variety of sounds in their hip-hop landscape, while never allowing the music scene to be defined by single sub-genre of hip-hop. The city’s ability to constantly reinvent its signature sound is the reason Atlanta artists are consistently finding success in the modern music environment.

One artist that is looking to continue ATL’s storied tradition of developing hit makers is B.o.B a/k/a Bobby Ray or just Bob if you want to keep it simple. While B.o.B has been making noise in underground hip-hop circles across the U.S. for a few years, his recent mixtape, Who the F#*k is B.o.B?, suggests that he’s preparing to familiarize himself with a wider audience and is ready to re-introduce the world to the sound of Atlanta hip-hop.

If I had to describe B.o.B in one word after listening to his latest offering it would have to be: versatile. There isn’t much Bob can’t do. On Who the F#*K is B.o.B?, the artist displays his ability to produce his own material (and do it well) on tracks like “Double Bubble” or “East-Side Tales”, the lyrical ability to go bar for bar with proven Atlanta heavyweights like T.I. and Ludacris on “I’m Dat Ni**a” and “On Top of the World” or displaying his greatest strength throughout the album- his ability to create some of the most melodic and mesmerizing hooks the hip-hop industry has ever heard. I’m predicting that by the end of 2009, a B.o.B hook will have replaced auto-tuned vocals as a key ingredient in the (not so) secret formula for crafting a successful hip-hop record.

This mixtape, at times, will have you swearing that Bob is somehow channeling Big Boi and Andre 3000, as there are clear similarities to be drawn between the newcomer and Outkast. But Bob’s style is 100% authentic and sounds more like what Outkast would have sounded like had they leaned left instead of right after Aquemini.

Overall, Who the F#*k is B.o.B? is a project I highly recommend to anyone who has recently found themselves complaining about a lack of originality in hip-hop. The mixtape truly offers something for everyone. It features a well-rounded selection of tracks, great use of sampling and B.o.B’s uncanny ability to make a decent record a hit with his hook-writing ability. This mixtape is extremely pleasing to the ears and has me thoroughly convinced that B.o.B will be one of the hip-hop industry’s biggest names very soon.