Seriously?

This is news?

Apparently it was important enough to be a cover story on Yahoo.

As someone that pretty much lives on the internet, it’s pretty sad that I have to ask this; but who the f*** is Tila Tequila?

The words most frequently used to describe her: internet celebrity. Ok. What does an internet celebrity actually do? Is she just good at internet-ing? So I went to Tila Tequila’s renowned MySpace page, which is devastatingly currently under construction, yet still on pace for about 500K song plays today.

So she’s a musician?

I wouldn’t go that far. I was able to get through 30 seconds of one of the songs on her page before unloading a clip in my computer speakers. You would think that with the popularity she’s established, a record label would’ve been all over that by now. Maybe the music thing is just a side hustle and she just doesn’t want to deal with the pressure of putting together what I’m sure would be a classic album. This might also interfere with all the other stuff she’s got going on.

What kind of other stuff?

Well…I think she might be some sort of model. I checked out her exciting picture collection and found a variety of shots with Tila in various states of nudity. The thing is, most of the pictures looked like they were just pictures of her modeling for Myspace.

Does that even count?

She did have 3 magazine covers in there. Unfortunately, Penthouse was the only one I was familiar with.

So what the f*** does she do?

According to Yahoo she’s a “TV Personality” now. I think that’s usually a nice way of saying “not an actress”. I admittedly caught about 30 seconds of “Shot At Love”, a show based on the premise of; will Tila Tequila fall in love with a man…or is she a lesbian? While loading up the nine preparing to put in work on my TV, I remember thinking to myself “Wow. That girl has the personality of a rock. Tila better give her the boot before she starts dragging ratings down. Oh wait…That is Tila.” Of course, the show didn’t get canceled. In fact, the season finale was MTV’s highest rated program in 2 years and in the end it appears that Tila found true love with a MAN, who has now apparently fulfilled the fantasies of every other man to ever surf the internet.

Oops. Guess not. Because of the overwhelming success of the show, MTV has decided to bring it back for ANOTHER season and unfortunately for Tila and that guy she picked, things just weren’t meant to be. I’ve always wondered how these reality love shows actually play out when the cameras stop rolling. Thanks to this guy, now I know. He publicly stated, “she never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number.” And of course, for the sake of irony, this guy shared his story on the most credible of news sources…Myspace.